Sunday, June 30, 2013, The New York Times Sunday Dialogue was called "Our Notions of Gender: When a child identifies with the other gender, what to do?"
It was a series of psychiatrists, writers, actors, parents and one self-identified transsexual talking about the story of Coy Mathis - a 6-year-old transgirl - and whether or not there is an appropriate age at which to identify children as trans*.
I have known I was trans* since I was in preschool. I didn't have the word "trans*" to go with what I knew, but I have known. I don't regret anything from my childhood. I think maybe some things would have been easier if my parents and I had known about gender identity disorder or gender dysphoria or "trans*", but at the same time, the struggles I've had and my own timeline for coming out have made me who I am, so I don't think I really want to have anything change for me. But I do wish that our society was more open about the spectrum of gender and gender diversity so that boys who want to play with girl toys and girls who want short hair are not discriminated against. I wish that it wasn't considered a mental illness to be born in one gender but to feel like the other gender.
I think that the people who commented in the Sunday dialogue made some good points. Like when the first author said "no one knows whether Coy will continue to feel that she is a girl when her body develops further". That's valid. We can't predict the future and gender is fluid and not timebound. But someone needs to be there to support Coy no matter what expression goes with his/her identity at any given point in his/her development. I would hope that she can always be a girl with a penis or at some point be allowed to have her penis removed because it's not how she sees herself. But I'm not her or her parent, so it's not my decision.
Personally, I've wanted to be rid of my breasts for as long as I've had them, but I haven't done anything with them because my mom considers the act of mastectomy mutilation and can't stand the thought of me doing that to myself.
One of the participants in the dialogue talks about children being "famous for their fluid sense of fact, fantasy and fiction, being dubbed transgender". I'm pretty sure that the criteria for that label is a lot more strenuous than just being a story-teller. I know when my friends and I used to play make-believe in pre-school, I was the only one who ever played a different gender and I did it consistently. Heather, Amber, Bambi, Anthony, Jeremy - they played girls if they were girls and boys if they were boys - I was a girl who played a boy. Period.
I realize that there's a great divide within the transgender community, too. This is addressed somewhat. One contributor says, "most transgender adults aren't transsexuals whose lives depend on gender reassignment: many are crossdressers, gender fluid or gender queer". You know what, though? Many transgenders whose lives depend on reassignment ostracize those who are queer or fluid and claim they are not "real" trans*. So, let's just realize that kids need parental support and good counseling so that they don't get pushed by "mentors" in the category who are pushing their own agenda instead of the child's best interests.
I agree wholeheartedly with Ladin's statement: "We live in a wold still organized in terms of the gender binary, it's hard to create spaces in which our children can safely explore nonconforming gender identities". As a former teacher, I wish that gender exploration was more accepted and applauded, but, especially here in Texas, it's not welcome, even from the youngest kids. We need to work to change this so that kids can find out what's in their own heads instead of running into depression later on. Believe me, I've done my turn with depression, and I'm tired of seeing that sick cycle repeat in others.
So, can a 6-year-old be trans*? Absolutely. But they need support from all sides to make it through safely - just like any child with any aspect of life.
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