We got to talking about how she, as a parent, doesn't want to know if her sons are having sex or not. She loves and supports them and wants them to be happy, but she doesn't want to think about them having sex. I rebutted with the concept that we don't want to think about our parents having sex either.
When I facilitate Allies trainings on campus, heterosexuals sometimes want to know "how" homosexuals have sex. You know what? I think that's a little private. I don't run around thinking about how other people have sex. I care about how my partner and I have sex and that's as far as it goes.
That being said, the reason my relationship works is that she and I can talk about sex. I have some "different" sexual needs, and she embraces them. Interestingly, and I relate this to being trans although I don't know any other trans people who feel this way either, what are called sexual parts are not sexual for me at all.
A femme friend told me it's important to her to treat butch partners with respect, especially around the area of how to touch the chest and the attachments. I can relate to that. I'm not an attachment user, but I want my chest touched as a chest - not as breasts. More importantly, I want to be able to tell me partner that I want her to touch my ears and for that to matter and for her not to judge or stereotype or wonder why.
I think anyone who is working through a transition needs to remember to communicate sexual needs and expectations to their partner, so I opened up a little to help share that message.
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